So, what do you do?

Being this sick is a full time job. I jokingly refer to myself as a professional patient but it's really more true thanl, anything else. Every moment of my day, waking or sleeping, is permeated with medical procedures and equipment. I have 3-5 appointments or interactions with medical professionals in any given week. 

In order to survive with complex chronic illness you have to become an expert in your own body. You become a diagnostician, your own nurse, your own dietitian. If you are lucky you are able to call on actual professionals to consult. My medical team has expanded to include a dozen providers and paraprofessionals too numerous to count. 

And still there is but one ultimate expert at living in my faulty meat suit. I have been traveling in this body for 40 years. I know every detail of its aches and pains. I know the depth of feeling carried in it's neurotransmitters and electrical impulses. I have come to trust my own knowledge above that of any doctor. I will accept and utilize their knowledge but they do not decide for me. 

I am not woke...

Written December 2020

I am not woke. I am simply tired. I am tired of people dying. I am tired of it being done in my name, paid for by my tax dollars and sanctioned by the government officials who claim to represent me.

This is not a new problem. This is the same problem with a hastily made disguise thinly veiling the state sanctioned white supremacy. In our names the government and their out of control police force are trampling our siblings. 

Your people were no longer enslaved? Then they will pipeline you directly from poverty to prison. Every disadvantage will be yours. Lack of resources, culturally accepted tropes of the hardened will of the down trodden, massive bias against you in everything from legal proceedings to housing, you will have it all.

I am not woke. But I am very, very tired. When you fight back, you are killed. I cannot even imagine how tired you must be.