Steps 2 and 3 are where we start to get serious. Step 2 is an endoscopicly placed PEG-J tube. The feeding tube would go in through the wall of my stomach and extend down to the jejunum. Bypassing the pancreas allows it to rest and almost hibernate.
The tube would be my only source of nutrition for two months. The goal is to wean off of it in 3-6 months.
If the feeding tube is not effective in managing my symptoms the Dr would like to refer me to a surgeon who does TP/IAT. Total pancreatectomy with islet cell auto transplant. Step 3 is kinda terrifying. The surgery would most likely leave me an insulin dependent diabetic.
How do you follow a path where all of your choices seem, well, bad? I feel as though I'm only able to choose the least bad option at each stage. Every time, a medical procedure has won out over a life spent in pain. The stakes are pretty high this time. Is it enough suffering to justify giving up eating for two months? What if it takes longer?
My dad told me the last thing he ate before he gave up on swallow therapy was an apple. Since his throat cancer he hasn't taken food by mouth for over 8 years. What's the last thing I am going to eat? Please, let it not be broth.
I feel quiet, resigned. Except for the part of my brain that has gone stark raving mad at the thought. That part just screams.
I feel angry, too. I'm angry about the diet culture ideas that I might finally lose this weight. As if literally starving myself thin fighting a life threatening illness was such a great opportunity. Fuck diet culture.
